


just close your eyes, the sun is going down

by finnsmoose



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 23:51:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12468764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finnsmoose/pseuds/finnsmoose
Summary: Robert tries to learn how to live a life without Aaron Dingle, but nothing is as it seems.





	just close your eyes, the sun is going down

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the episode _The Sting_ from Futurama.

He’s standing in the funeral parlour, wearing a suit that doesn’t seem to sit right playing with the wedding band on his finger. The room is too stuffy – too crowded with people that don’t matter. He just wants to find Aaron’s eyes staring back at his, rolling his eyes at the huge turnout.

(He’d say “they hadn’t even shown up to our wedding – cheap gits only show when there’s alcohol involved” and Robert would laugh, pulling him closer to him. “There’s nothing like an Emmerdale funeral,” Aaron would joke, and Robert would just be thankful that they’re both okay.)

Instead, he turns to see Chas’ eyes on him. He expects her to kick him out, to blame him for this. Because it’s true – Aaron is dead because of him. There’s no other way around it, nothing that can possibly be sugar coated. Instead, she walks over, her arms folded as if she’s willing herself to keep it together. “Will you say something?” she asks, and Robert doesn’t actually believe what she’s asking from him. “He’d have liked it, he was the only one who actually listened to you.”

Robert nods, words failing him, and Chas walks away. He knows he shouldn’t be doing this, knows he’s the last person that should be speaking at the funeral. Aaron had touched so many lives, so why couldn’t they get Adam to speak? Or even Liv, or god forbid Cain? He sees Liv watching them, and he thinks he can see a hopeful look in her eyes. He nods, and she returns the favour, before she goes to look for Chas in the crowd.

The crowd start to gather, and before he knows it, Robert finds himself sitting in the middle of Vic and Adam in the second row, holding onto his sister’s hand for his dear life. She doesn’t let go, and he suspects she needs the comfort just as much as he does.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Lachlan had found out his plan, and had sworn revenge. Robert was too caught up in the victory of getting the Whites to finally leave Emmerdale, to notice the signs.

He never expected to walk into the portacabin, seeing Lachlan pointing a gun in Aaron’s direction. Insults were thrown, and pleas for the other’s life were made by both Robert and Aaron. And he thought he had gotten through to Lachlan, helped him see that Robert was the one who deserved to die – the one that Lachlan really wanted to hurt.

But stupid, beautiful, self-sacrificial Aaron had pushed Robert out of the way and jumped in front of the bullet. Robert saw red, trying to get the gun out of Lachlan’s hands when he had been shot himself.

It turns out that the bullet couldn’t scar him like seeing the life leave Aaron’s face.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

There isn’t a dry eye in the church, not after Liv starts crying when she’s on the altar doing her reading. She breaks down, and Chas has to help her back to her seat. Nothing can drown out the sounds of her sobs, and Robert doesn’t think he’ll ever forget it. He places a hand on her back, but he feels useless.

Then, it’s his turn to go up. He doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t think anything can help to take the pain away. But he tells everyone how much he loves Aaron, how Aaron had always been the strongest person that he had known – a Dingle trait he’d realised (which gets a slight response from his estranged family) and how he’d never ever forgive himself for what had happened.

It isn’t until he’s finished, that he realises he never said what he wanted to. He never got a goodbye, and this wasn’t what he needed to say to Aaron. But looking at Chas, who gives him a ghost of a smile, he realises it’s Aaron’s family that needs this.

 

 

It pours during the burial. He holds onto Liv’s hands, covering her with his umbrella. They drop roses onto his grave. Aaron never liked roses.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

He sits by the grave at night, finally managing to leave Vic’s grasp at the pub. It had all been a little too overwhelming, people that he couldn’t care less about telling him that they’re sorry for his loss, and offering to do whatever they can to help. 

He wonders if they know he’s the reason Aaron is dead.

It’s lightly drizzling as he runs his fingers through the gravestone. “I love you more than anything else in the world Aaron, and I can’t believe I can’t tell you that ever again,” he tells the grave. He’d feel stupid talking to a gravestone, but he’s had enough practice at it by now. “You shouldn’t be dead. You should be here instead, everyone would be better off that way. Liv needs you, your mother needs you, Adam needs you. I need you Aaron! Have you thought of that?”

He pauses, hanging his head in his damp hands. “I hope you’re up there with her. Mum. She’ll take good care of ya – she’s always taken care of family. Tell her I love her, will ya?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he hears a familiar voice say, and he looks up to see Aaron beside him. Aaron, who is dressed in the same clothes from the day he had been shot, but looking positively glowing. (The jammy bastard always looks this good, not even a bullet could stop it.)

“You died,” he argues, staring Aaron up and down.

“Obviously not,” Aaron counters. “You know better than anyone else that I’d hardly make a saint.”

Robert reaches out, and he feels Aaron’s heartbeat. He looks up, to see Aaron smiling down at him. Aaron places his own hand over Robert’s, and just the touch makes Robert sob all over again.

“I lost you Aaron, I thought you were gone. I saw you get shot, and I couldn’t do anything to save you,” he says, moving closer to Aaron.

“We’ll get through this,” Aaron says, and Robert believes him. “We always do. But first, there’s one thing I need you to do.”

“Anything,” he says quickly, drying his eyes.

“You need to wake up.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Robert’s woken up by Vic and Adam, who are crouching above him. She helps him up, and he realises just how much it’s rained since the funeral. His eyes gloss over the gravestone, and sees that Aaron is still dead. It makes him want to cry all over again.

“You’ll catch pneumonia if you’re not careful,” Vic warns him, as Adam practically guides him back to their house.

If he really focuses, Robert can remember the feelings of happiness and relief he had felt during the dream. And it crushes him, to the point where he actually wishes he had gotten sick from sleeping in the rain. (It had only been an hour or so, he knows Vic would never let him out of her sights for too long.)

Vic helps him change out of his suit, while Adam makes tea and toast. Robert’s too tired to get emotional over bread, so instead he twists the wedding band on his finger some more. He’s in his pyjamas now – only, they’re an old pair of Aaron’s that he managed to take with him when he had left the Mill. It’s the last thing he has that reminds him of the smell of Aaron, the feeling of having him close.

Adam leaves after a while, when their teas have gone cold, and Robert knows it’s because Adam can’t look at him. When he’s sure that no one else can hear, he leans in closer to Vic. “It should have been me. It’s all my fault,” he confesses, which makes Vic instantly wrap her arms around him.

“No one could have predicted this,” she says, but he knows there had to have been a way. “Don’t let this get the better of you, please. Stay with me.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Liv comes over the next day, drunk and angry.

Robert lets her shout at him, lets her slap him and tell him how much she hates him.

When she leaves, he finds out she’s going back to Ireland.

He never sees her again. He never gets to apologise.

Vic says she needed to do it to feel better, that she couldn’t possibly be dealing with the death of her brother in a healthy way.

Robert just wants his youngest sister back. He can’t deal with everyone leaving him.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

The first time he steps inside the portacabin since the incident, Robert sees him sitting in his old chair, tapping his fingers against the desk impatiently. Robert shuts the door, and Aaron looks up.

“Are we really leaving the business for Adam to run?” he asks, looking around the room with an exasperated look on his face. This might have made Robert laugh, if it wasn’t for the fact that Aaron should _not_ be here.

“Every time I thought about stepping foot near this place, I saw you,” he tells Aaron, shaking slightly. God, he feels weak. “I saw you _die_.”

“If you continue saying I’m dead, I’ll start to think that you really want me dead,” Aaron says, smirking.

“Don’t even joke about that,” he warns Aaron, who shrugs it off. He watches Aaron get up, remembering the times that he’d try his hardest to be discrete when he’d watch Aaron move around their shared space.

Aaron makes a gesture for Robert to join him, and Robert stands so close to him he can smell everything that’s so distinctly Aaron, and he almost falls in love all over again. Aaron points down to a drawer under his desk. “There’s a present in here, for you. But you can’t have it yet, not until you promise me something.”

“What?” he asks, genuinely confused.

“Promise me you’ll wake up.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Robert wakes up, blankets thrown off the bed and he’s sweating profusely. He almost lets a cry out from frustration, but instead he knows what he has to do.

He gets dressed, and makes his way past the kitchen where Vic and Adam are already up and talking. He ignores her calls for him, and he hears Adam telling her to let him go. He’s grateful for Adam, really and truly, and he hopes that Adam won’t continue to hate him. But it’s selfish of Robert to wish such a thing, he knows that.

Robert makes his way to the portacabin, unlocking the door with a force and making his way inside. He rushes to Aaron’s desk, finding a box wrapped with a bow looking up at him. Gingerly, he picks it up, and unties the purple bow to find a copy of their wedding photo.

He can barely breathe, barely think straight, because one; he didn’t know Aaron had saved the photo after breaking the first frame, and two; Aaron had **_told_** him about this. Aaron told him this, and it was true.

His mind is working a mile a minute trying to figure out just what is happening, but he finds himself rushing back to Vic’s flat. He needs to show them this, needs them to help them figure out how Aaron is telling him things.

When he gets there, the room is empty besides one seat. He sees Aaron smiling, the sight warming his heart. “I found myself staring at it a lot, thinking back to the day. It’s still the happiest day of my life, you know that? Because I’ve not had it easy, I never thought I could find a day that I’d love someone and have them love me back. Never thought I’d deserve it. But you came into my life, and you made me feel things – granted, most of the time it’s not always _positive_ feelings – but I loved you more than I could ever even imagine,” Aaron says. “I’m not that good at saying that, am I? I don’t have the best track record of picking appropriate times to say it.”

“I know though,” Robert tells him, because of course he knows. He knows Aaron better than anyone, maybe even better than Aaron knows himself.

“You don’t get to hear me say it again,” Aaron says, and Robert frowns. “Not until you wake up.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

“He must have told you about it before you lost consciousness,” Adam reasons with him, the wedding photo in his hand. He’d never seen it, although Adam never bothered to look in other people’s drawers.

“I think I’d remember if he said something!” he shouts, fed up that neither of them are listening to him. But then, come to think of it, Robert doesn’t actually remember Aaron’s last words to him. It shocks him, and he gets up from the table.

“I think I need a drink,” he says under his breath, Adam and Vic watching him as he makes his way out the door again.

When he stands outside, he sees Aaron waiting for him. “The neighbour’s will talk.”

“I’ve never really cared for them,” Robert answers, getting a laugh from Aaron.

“No, I don’t think you’ll mind all that much,” Aaron agrees. “But do you really want to deal with that now?”

He knows that the Woolpack will be full of people staring at him, waiting to see him crack or to give him fake sympathy. And he doesn’t know if he’s ready to face Chas yet. On second thought, a drink doesn’t sound that appealing. “What do you have in mind?”

“How about we finally go to Las Vegas and get away from it all?” Aaron asks, grinning as he takes Robert’s hands, dragging him away from Vic and Adam’s house. The dull countryside is soon replaced with the excitement and the buzz of Las Vegas, and he’s lost in the wonder of it all.

“Maybe even go to Barcelona?” Aaron suggests, and they’re suddenly standing in a golden beach, Robert watching the many people pass them by. He’s entirely hypnotised by Aaron, the golden sun reflecting off him.

“Hell, we could even go back to that bloody barn where I could never keep my bloody hands off ya,” Aaron says, a slight chuckle following his words. They’re back in Emmerdale, and the chill creeps up on Robert, so different from the beach.

“Take this,” Aaron says, shrugging off his jacket and passing it to Robert.

“You’re real,” Robert says, almost in a daze. “You’re real, it’s really you. I know it, I couldn’t even make any of this up. And you know much Taylor Swift I listen to, I like to think I’m an expert in love.”

“I miss you so much,” Aaron says, his voice low, and Robert just wants to hold onto him. “So you need to do something for me, okay?”

“Please don’t,” Robert says, his voice breaking. He knows it’s coming, he knows what’s going to happen and he can’t take it – not again, not like this he –

“Wake up Robert.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

He wakes up on the sofa, clutching Aaron’s jacket.

Robert sits up, staring at Aaron’s jacket. It’s proof, it’s proof that Aaron is alive and he’s okay, and he needs to show someone. He needs people to know that Aaron is going to be okay. He runs upstairs, finding Vic and Adam talking in their room.

“It’s Aaron’s jacket!” he says, throwing the jacket down on their bed.

“Rob?” Adam asks, looking up at him.

“That’s yours,” Vic tells him, and he looks down to see his leather jacket laying on her bed.

“No. No that can’t be right,” he says, staring down at the bed. He was sure it was Aaron’s – it definitely was. So why is it different?

“When was the last time you slept mate?” Adam asks, standing up and placing a hand over his shoulder.

“I can’t sleep,” Robert says, looking over Adam’s shoulder to see Aaron walking away. He needs to follow him – needs to get Adam and Vic to see things his way. “I have to go.”

He runs out of the house, ignoring Vic’s pleas with him to stay and get some rest. He knows he should feel bad, but he needs to find Aaron. He needs proof that Aaron is alive.

It hits him that he knows exactly how to prove that Aaron is alive. It’s not the most orthodox idea, but he’ll take whatever he can get. He finds a shovel, and makes his way to the graveyard, walking straight to Aaron’s grave.

And he digs, he digs until his body is close to giving up on him and then digs some more. He finally gets to the grave, and desperately Robert clings onto it, bracing himself for what’s to come. If any of the neighbours were to see him now, he’d have a lot of questions to answer. But he needs to know, he has to find out once and for all.

Robert opens the casket, but it’s empty.

And then he falls in.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Robert wakes with a fright, and he looks around to find he’s back in Vic’s spare room. He grabs onto his blanket, taking deep breaths to calm down and bring him back to reality. He can’t tell what day it is, or how long it’s been since the funeral.

“You killed my best friend,” he hears Adam say, and when he looks up he finds an Adam without a face.

Liv joins him, and she’s dressed in the same clothes from the funeral. “You couldn’t even love us Robert. I _thought_ we were a family.”

“You always find new ways to disappoint dad,” Vic says, and even without her eyes Robert can see how much she means it.

“Shut up!” he shouts back, getting out of bed, running over to lock the bedroom door behind him. He leans against it, shutting his eyes to concentrate. He needs to think back, to realise what the actual fuck is going on.

“Do you really think you can keep doing this to yourself?” Aaron asks, and Robert opens his eyes to find Aaron sitting on the bed.

“Get out of here!” Robert shouts, but Aaron doesn’t even flinch.

“You can’t carry on like this Robert – you have to fight back,” Aaron continues, and Robert just wants Aaron to tell him he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to do that. He doesn’t have the strength to carry on, not without Aaron and Liv.

“Fight back with everything you have Robert Sugden. I’ve seen you do it before, so what’s one more time?” Aaron asks, and he sounds confident. “Because I honestly don’t know what I’ll do if you don’t wake up.”

“Don’t say that,” Robert says desperately. He can’t wake up, but he can’t disappoint Aaron. What is he supposed to do?

“I need you Robert.” Robert looks closely at Aaron, to see he’s crying. “I love you so much, and I’m so scared I’ll never get to tell you again. You have to wake up, you have to know I never stopped loving you. Come back to me, please Robert.”

Robert knows how to do that, he’s always come back for Aaron, even if he never knew it. He steps forward, reaching his hand out, when –

 

 

 

 

 

He blinks once more, fluttering his eyes open to get adjust to the bright walls around him. He realises then, he’s not in Vic’s house anymore – he’s in the hospital. And Aaron is standing beside him. _Actually_ there, eyes shut as he’s scrunched over to fit in the hospital chair.  

“Aaron?” he asks, his throat aching.

Aaron’s head shoots forward, and he stands forward to be with Robert. “Robert,” he breathes out, his hand gripping the older man’s. “You’re awake.”

“ _You’re_ awake,” he counters, holding onto Aaron’s hand weakly. He’s still confused, but Aaron is here beside him and he doesn’t think he needs anything else. “What happened? You were hurt, he shot you.”

“He shot me in my arm,” Aaron explains, and Robert looks up to see the sling that’s hanging down from Aaron’s body. “Once you saw I was hit you went straight for Lachlan. You were shouting, I don’t know what you were saying, but Lachlan was getting angrier. You reached for the gun and the two of you were struggling and he shot you. Robert – I saw you get shot and I couldn’t do anything about it, I thought you were _gone_.”

“But you were dead,” Robert says, not missing the look of confusion on Aaron’s face. “You were dead, there was no way I could save you. Liv left, she couldn’t be around me anymore. I knew you were alive though, you kept coming to me to tell me you were fine. You told me about the wedding picture, you put your jacket on me when I was cold. No one believed me when I said you were still alive, but I _knew_.”

Aaron doesn’t say anything, just continues to stare at Robert. He feels uncomfortable, like Aaron’s taking him apart with his eyes. “I was always here Robert. I didn’t die,” Aaron tells him finally.

Robert expects to hear Aaron tell him to wake up, to move onto a new part of his nightmare, but they stay together in that moment. Aaron’s breathing is a reassuring sign that he’s okay, and the machines plugged into him are showing that he’s alive too.

“The doctors told me to talk to you,” Aaron says, flushing slightly. “Mum even said to give it a go, can you imagine? I thought everyone was being daft, but it helped. I couldn’t remember what the last words I said to you were, so it all just came out. You being in a coma was the only time you’d never talk back, I started to get used to it eventually. Didn’t think you’d hear me though.”

It all starts to make sense to Robert now. He stays silent, taking everything in, when he frowns. “I almost got you killed.”

“You almost got _yourself_ killed,” Aaron counters, but doesn’t Aaron know that it doesn’t matter? A life without Aaron – he knows all too well how horrible it would be. He can’t do it anymore, he needs his beautiful husband by his side again. Having been so close to losing him for good, Robert is more determined than ever to show Aaron how much he loves him.

“Aaron,” he begins, when he sees Aaron smiling. God, he’s missed seeing it. He never thought he’d be the reason that Aaron smiled ever again.

“I know,” Aaron says, sniffing. Robert can see his eyes watering, and he wishes that Aaron wouldn’t cry. But then Aaron leans down, and kisses his forehead. “I love you too, you daft man.”

Robert had heard it in his dreams, had known that Aaron felt the same. But he couldn’t have been sure – he’s not even sure how long he’s been out. So it still shocks him, makes his skin feel aglow when he hears the words leave Aaron’s mouth. “You do?”

“I never stopped,” Aaron tells him, and leans in to press a soft kiss to Robert’s lips. “It’s always been you Robert. Always has and always will be.”

Robert is beaming, letting out the most disbelieving little laugh, and he thinks that everything is going to be okay again. He never thought he’d deserve this ever again, but Aaron is here and he stills loves him against his better judgement, and Robert thinks that he was made just to be with Aaron.

Loving Aaron is blissful. It’s overwhelming. It’s _everything_.

And this time, Robert is never letting him go again.


End file.
